Let me begin this piece by saying that I have a good understanding of proper etiquette for celebrity encounters. I understand that celebrities do not like being approached by fans when they are out relaxing. It gets tiring when people are constantly harassing you for autographs and photographs and all you want to do is knock back a couple of drinks with your friends. I have ascertained, through my own various celeb encounters, as well as reading about and listening to the anecdotes of others, that anything beyond a quick wink, head-nod or wave, can make you a nuisance.
Ninety-nine percent of the celebrities out there will happily return your winks and head-nods with a smile on their faces. However, there is a miniscule fraction of the celebrity populace that is made up of individuals who are so magnificent that they transcend humanity in their awesomeness. I refer to these deity-like beings as the "mega-celebrities."
This past Friday I was out enjoying the evening with my lovely wife, Lola Cutter Hensel, at a local drinking establishment here in Salem, MA called Tavern in the Square (TITS). We were there for no more than twenty minutes when our phenomenal waitress, our friend Sarah, informed us that perhaps the most mega of all mega-celebrities, Jamie Kennedy, was in the restaurant, seated a mere two tables behind us.
Mr. Kennedy had performed a much publicized stand-up comedy show earlier that evening at Salem State College, so I was not surprised to see that he had found his way to TITS afterward, it being one of the largest and "hottest" bars in town.
Despite the fact that this devastatingly handsome A-lister was seated at a booth in Sarah's section, she opted to pawn him off on another server. This is because it can be extremely awkward to wait on a celebrity, especially when the celebrity in question has co-starred in such unforgettable Hollywood classics as Son of the Mask, Scream 3 and Curious George 2: Follow That Monkey.
Sarah also must have had her husband in mind when she decided not to wait on this legendary Hollywood player. Certainly she realized that if she were to approach The Jamie and take his order that she would have been overwhelmed with adulterous temptations; by avoiding him altogether she was able to finish up her shift and return home with the sanctity of her marriage still intact.
During the hour or so that Lola and I were at the restaurant we only witnessed The Jamie being approached once. Two foolish girls, who were so naive as to not realize the inappropriateness of approaching such a sacred and powerful being, wandered over to his table giggling like morons. They were quickly sent on their way, and no one dared to approach the table after that.
It must have been out of pure fear and respect that everyone else in the entire restaurant completely ignored him for the rest of the night. What could possibly be the alternative? That no one recognized him, or cared about the fact that he was there?
Ridiculous!
After Lola and I decided that it was time to leave we paid our check and headed for the exit. I had made the decision that upon passing Mr. Kennedy I would give him a wink and a nod. I know what you're thinking, this is highly inappropriate behavior. This is the type of thing that human-beings do when seeing each other. I had no business attempting to commit an act of cordiality with a mega-celebrity. Well, as we passed his table I became overwhelmed, and instead of my sly wink, I gave a bit of a wave and a smile. Mr. Kennedy responded by rolling his eyes, and mumbling "what's up man?" and then turning away.
He was right to roll his eyes at me. How could I have possibly been so foolish to expect any other response?
When I got home, once I finally stopped crying, I decided that maybe I was wrong about Jamie Kennedy. That despite the fact that he starred in Malibu's Most Wanted, maybe he wasn't the world class modern day Lawrence Olivier that I had made him out to be, maybe, in fact, he was just a complete and total douche, a poor man's Seth Green.
I went to the computer, intent on discovering that he was a loser who hasn't accomplished anything worthwhile in the past five years. A quick internet search led me to a profoundly troubling fact. Jamie Kennedy, a Hollywood C-lister, a dickhead who can't bring himself to return a wave, is dating Jennifer Love Hewitt, a woman who at one point in my life I would have committed murder to be with. Apparently, he is her co-star on a show that I have never seen called Ghost Whisperer. He must be at least kind of cool to land such a hot girlfriend.....
And this is why I am happy that a case of writer's block prevented me from finishing this piece for an entire week: It has just been announced that Jennifer and Jamie have split up "amicably"!!!!
Amicably my ass.
Maybe if he had returned a wave or two without rolling his eyes at people they'd still be together.
Jamie Kennedy, you sir, are a giant douchebag.
ok 1. that pic of him is INCREDIBLE. 2. i like to say these are "#shittycelebsightings" on twitter. you have entered my world of seeing such brilliance as sully from godsmack at a middle eastern eatery, where he had a party of 15-- and is a notoriously bad tipper.
ReplyDeleteactually dude jennifer love bacon dumped him a mere matter of days before he came out to our sleepy burb. its most likely the reason why he was drunk before he went on stage at salem state, and most definitely the reason why he got hammered after.
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